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Curious Plunder Goes To School
Log Title: Curious Plunder Goes To School Characters: Windshear, Scourge, Plunder, Sunstreaker Location: California/Nevada - North America Date: July 18, 2013 TP: Non-TP Summary: Let Me Tell Sweeps 'bout the Birds and The Bees, and the Flowers and the Trees... California/Nevada - North America :Beautiful and warm, California and Nevada are the western most states. California is known as the entertainment center of the United States, as most movies, television programs, and record albums are recorded there. It's also known for some of the worst traffic, smog, and riots in the world, especially in Los Angelos. Nevada, on the other hand, could be considered the Sin capital of the world. Home of Las Vegas, it's the land of casinos and gambling, where people lose their fortunes in the blink of an eye. Incidentally, it's also one of the only states with legalized prostitution. ;Contents: * Scourge * Decepticon Shuttle Scourge is taking Plunder somewhere. Plunder probably doesn't know where. Scourge is simply leading him. "Now come along," he says, "You are getting an education." "An Education M'Lord?" Plunder states, his optics narrowing. Scourge leads Plunder down to a School. And school is now in session. Preteen Health Class. Scourge rips the roof right off the classroom, setting it aside. Students and teacher alike scream in terror. "Silence! Remain where you are and I will not harm you!" Scourge snarls, "My minion here needs an education in 'Health'. Yes, that's it. And you will pretend as if he's just another pupil, learning about the birds and the bees. Got it?" The female teacher, in her 30s, gulps and nods. "Very well, class," she says, with a bit of a tremor in her voice, eyeing the Sweep Leader suspiciously before going over to the chart of the cutaway human reproductive systems. She points at the male half of the chart. "Now who can tell me what this is?" she asks, pointing at the vas deferens. "M'Lord, I have already told you...I have dissected multiple variety of birds and bees. Including hummingbirds and African Killer bees..." Plunder pleads with a hint of a whine. Plunder lifts up and lands inside the now opened class room. Looking at the nearest desk, Plunder spies a book, pen, and paper. He moves to take it when a student says, "HEY!" Plunder glowers at the student baring his fangs, forcing the student to back off quickly and nearly fall out of his chair. With his new supplies, Plunder starts to write...but then just puts everything into subspace. Looking at the Teacher, Plunder states. "It is a useless organic organic. Valued for mating purposes on this planet, it carries little weight on the galactic market..." Scourge facepalms. "Just listen and pay attention," Scourge says to Plunder. Meanwhile a child nervously raises her hand. "Uh, that's the vas deferens," the girl says. "Very good, Emily!" the teacher says, "And can you tell me what it's for?" "It carries the sperm cells from the testicles to the urethra." Staring at the Girl, Plunder frowns. "If you wreck the curve, I will...." He then looks at Scourge as he shhhhs him. "Yes, M'Lord." The teacher sees she might have to back up a little for the sake of her new temporary student. The pointer points to a testicle. "Now who can tell me what this is?" A boy raises his hand. "That's a ball." The class starts giggling in spite of the tense atmosphere. "No, Billy," the teacher says, "Use the scientific name." The boy sighs. "Fine, it's a testicle," he says. "And what does it do?" the Teacher presses further. "It makes the sperm." "And what do sperm do?" the teacher continues. "They meet an egg and fertilize it to make a baby." "Where does the Stork come into play?" Plunder asks. The teacher rolls her eyes. "That was an old fairy tale parents used to tell their children if they didn't want to tell them just yet how babies are made." Several children start giggling helplessly at Plunder's remark. "Ahhhh, No wonder the storks never turned over a human baby to me. I can stop mugging them now." Plunder growls at the students as they laugh. "Do not make me steal your lunch money..." In a split second it's so quiet you can hear a pin drop. "...He's weird." whispers a boy. The lesson continues, with the teacher pointing out the rest of the male parts, before moving on to the female parts and then the discussion moves to ovulation. Then the teacher describes, in somewhat vivid fashion, what exactly it is that a mommy and daddy who love each other very much do, when they want to have a baby. Predictably this elicits a chorus of "EWWWWW!" from the children. Hearing the boy with his enhance senses, Plunder stares at him. "Your face is asymmetrical, making you scientifically less attractive than 59.768 percent of the population." He growls as he points at a girl. "And she does not like you, she likes him." He points towards a jock. Smiling at the boy's confusion, "Her pheromones tell me that, and the fact she has not written back to the note you send, did not bode well for you." He then looks at the teacher, "Ovulation? Like a bird?" The teacher sighs. "Birds ovulate too, but their eggs make hard shells around themselves after fertilization but before they're laid. A human egg is called an ovum, and isn't laid. Instead, the embryo implants into the uterine lining of the female and forms the placenta, which the developing baby uses to draw nourishment from its mother." Scourge of course knows all this, but is watching closely to make sure Plunder is paying attention. He chuckles at his minion's comments to the children. "Keep your mind on the subject matter," he says. "At what point can it be harvested and sold into forced labor?" Plunder asks. "Harvested? Babies are born," the teacher says, "They come out naturally after nine months." "Stop interrupting Ms. Evanston!" a girl hisses. The teacher continues. "Babies are born helpless, and have to be cared for by the parents for longer than any other animal. They don't even learn to walk until they are at least 9 months old." Looking at the girl who hissed at him, Plunder frowns as Scourge's words to pay attention echo in his head. He then flicks a claw at her, looking at the teacher. "Does the Human Female have to be alive the entire nine month period? Or can the young feed off her corpse?" Plunder asks. "Yes, she has to be alive. If the mother dies, the baby dies," the teacher says, "Unless it's really late in the term, like in the third trimester, sometimes if the baby is delivered by caesarian, they can survive, but have to be cared for like any other baby." "Caesarian?" Plunder asks, "What care does the baby require? When can it labor and speak?" "A caesarian is where a slit is cut in the mother's abdomen and the baby is removed. Sometimes this is done if the baby's too large to pass out the birth canal, or is facing the wrong way during delivery," the teacher says. "So it is possible to steal a Baby. Noted." Plunder says coldly. "Possible, but why would you want to?" Scourge growls, "The Decepticon forces have not the resources to care for a mewling infant!" Looking at Scourge, "I was thinking of selling one to a traveling Galactic Circus, M'Lord." Plunder states. "If they can speak and talk near birth, I could up the amount of credits." "Babies need milk during their first year or two of life," the Teacher says, "For the first few months it's their only food." "Milk?" Plunder asks. "E-excuse me, Mr. Boss Robot?" A young boy says, looking at Scourge. "Whya re you having your... um... friend, learn about human reproduction?" "Oh, that's right, we haven't got to the mammary glands yet," the teacher says, taking the pointer and pointing to a cutaway diagram of a breast. "All female mammals have milk glands. They're modified sweat glands, and they produce a liquid that the young nurse on." "Because such ignorance among my troops is unacceptable," Scourge replies, glowering at the boy, "And since this is a school that teaches young humans such as yourself about your own reproduction, I decided this would be the best place for my minion to learn." "Well, okay Mister." The young boy gulps, but seems to be rather brave. "How about you? How do you reproduce?" The Vampire Seeker walks up to the group, enercig in hand and surveys the ones there then looks at the boy, "Why do you want to know?" he asks. "We Sweeps were created by Unicron," Scourge replies, "But Transformers in general were created by Vector Sigma, living machines brought to life by a supercomputer of vast power." "Besides the milk glands, what else is required to make milk?" Plunder looks over at Scourge, "M'Lord I prefer Holy Warrior for his Nobleness Unicron, than minion...." Plunder barely keeps the annoyance out of his voice, before looking at the Windshear, nodding, then Scourge, then the boy. "Storks." Windshear raises an optic ridge and smirks slightly. "That doesn't answer his question though." The young boy smiles, and writes down what Scourge said in his notebook. He looks over at the new Decepticon. "Well, I was just curious!" he says. "I like robots." Windshear flicks a wing at the comment, "There are other ways we 'reproduce' human but I doubt you could understand it." "We are not Robots." Plunder states. "We are Soldiers of God. And Windshear is a Robot." "...You look the same to me!" the boy says with a grin. "So what's the differnce between him' pointing at Windshear, "and you?" Windshear looks ever so slowly at Plunder, "No, I'm a Vampire, you are the aft product of a giant robot..." Pointing at himself, Plunder says "2.0." Plunder states plainly as he points at Windshear. "1.0". He smiles at his friend, indicating he is joking, "Sorry, 1.5" Windshear snorts, "He's just a new experimental model that we aren't sure is a success yet actually..." Looking at Windshear, Plunder shrugs. "Eh, it pays well." He states with the hint of a smile. Windshear smirks a bit and takes a pull off his cig. The boy stares the the robots blankly. "...You guys are weird." Windshear looks at the boy suddenly, "And you aren't? Look at you. Your soft and squishy and can't stop a bullet easily. You melt when a laser hits you, you're full of fluids that leak out at times whether you want them to or not.. you don't live long, you can't be upgraded.. you're fragile, can't live in space without imploding, hence you can't live in space.. shall I go on?" "Yeah, but we know how to love!" the boys say triuphantly. "And we don't?" Windshear counters. "I do not love." Plunder states. "Yes you do." Windshear says, "You love what you do, you love what you collect. You love gathering all the information you can for your master...." "It is what I was built to do." Plunder states. "What do YOU love?" the boy asks Windshear. "Can you love someone?" Windshear looks back at the boy. "I love my brother." he states simply. "I think that answers both of your questions now doesn't it?" The boy smiles. "You have a brother?" Windshear nods. "I do. Does that surprise you?" "A little. I mean, brothers and sisters have a parent or both in common... But robots don't have parents." The boys says, looking up at Windshear awestruck. Looking at Windshear, "So we are telling people now?" Plunder states. Windshear looks at Plunder, "Telling what? It's not like he can do anything about it. And it not like it's not known to some you know anyway." he looks back at the boy, "What exactly do you think you know, human?" "Robots don't have sperm or ova, so they can't have kids!" the boy says, having just had that lesson. "Also, Mr. Boss over there," he points at Scourge, "said you came from a computer." "I come from a God." Plunder states. "And so does Lord Scourge." "Some do but not all." Windshear says, "And you keep thinking about this in the limits of your own species. That is your first mistake." Windshear looks at Plunder and starts to say something then changes his mind. "Agreed, thinking of yourself as a species of worth is a mistake." Plunder states. "How else am I supposed to think?" the boy asks Windshear. He then looks at Plunder and Scourge. "Gods aren't real." he says bluntly. Windshear chuckles a bit in spite of himself, "Well he just told you, Plunder." Optics blazing a burning red, "YOUR GODS ARE FALSE! UNICRON IS THE ONE AND TRUE GOD! HIS RETRIBUTION SHALL BE FELT ACROSS THE GALAXY! APOLOGIZE AND REPENT YOUR BLASPHEMY OR I SHALL DESTROY EVERYTHING YOU HOLD DEAR!" Plunder ignores Windshear for the moment. The boy wilts a bit, and the rest of the class (who has been watching with interest) back up a bit. "..." The boy clears his throat, bravely! "Show me a God, and I'll kneel." he says, sounding like he's quoting something. Scourge facepalms. "Never mind that now, Plunder. Eyes on the lesson, please." Windshear studies Plunder and watches to see what he's going to say. "You made me do this." Plunder states Coldly towards the Boy. Ignoring Scourge, Plunder's Unicron loyalty program overrides his unwavering loyalty to Scourge. Plunder flies off. TEN MINUTES LATER Plunder returns holding a Teddy Bear, "I believe this is your Mr. Snuggles, Yes?" He stares at the bear for a long moment...Holding it out, Plunder slices off the Bear's Head with his claws. After a moment, he picks up the head, then holds it off center from the body...using his Head Laser, he fuses the Head back to the body, now light some stuffing and an eye, which Plunder stole. He returns the Teddy Bear to the Boy. "I am this Bear's God and I dub hum Snuggletron, my Herald." The boy takes the bear back, and hugs him. "Okay.... that explained nothing." he says, confused. "But now he's named Snuggletron? Okay!" The Vampire Seekers forked optics widen a bit. "What the hell?" he stammers at Plunder. "I could do that to you, if you want Human." Plunder states, "You may not survive." He then looks at Windshear, "I was demonstrating how a God created me...I did not include the psychological trauma. Not enough time." "He ripped your head off and filled you with cotten stuffing?" Windshear asks. "I do not discuss it with infidels. Sorry, friend." Plunder states. Windshear gives a deadpan look, "Did you just call me an infidel?" "Yes. No offense. It isn't your fault, friend." Plunder states. "Hey, no religion in the classroom, except in Comparative Religion Class," the teacher says sharply. Grabbing an empty desk, Plunder throws it at the chalk board near the teacher, shattering it. "It is the truth..." Plunder now seems agitated. "BOW BEFORE THE SOLDIER OF UNICRON!" He looks at Scourge, "PERMISSION TO KILL THE FLITHY NON-BELIEVERS, M' LORD!!!" Plunder bellows! "No," Scourge says firmly, "We'll finish the lesson." Windshear takes the last hit off his enercig, flicks it away and then suddenly throws a punch at Plunder's face. The teacher is now positively terrified and nearly catatonic. By now the kids have all fled, because angry robots are SCARY! Windshear feels his fist smash faceplate and smirks evilly, "After everything we've been through together you dare consider me an infidel?!" The Sweep leader just facepalms. "Great, now you've scared them all away. But at least you got the basics, right? That the male injects his genetic contribution into the female with a rod?" The punch connects with Plunder's jaw, snapping the Sweep's head back. He listens to Scourge as his head snaps back forward, the rage in his eyes draining away as his usual 'Urbane' personality takes over again. He smiles at Windshear, offering a small flask of Energon. "Hmmm, infidel? Where?" He looks at Scourge. "Yes, I understand...M'Lord!." "Then the lesson is complete. Return to base," Scourge says, hoping that Plunder didn't read in the textbook about fertility clinics and their propensity to buy sperm. Windshear takes the flask and looks at his knuckles. His normally black hand has a bit of blue paint smudged on it right now. "Of course, M'Lord." He then smiles at Windshear, "I shall finish reading the textbook I stole at the base." Plunder begins to fly off. "Coming Windshear?" Windshear leaps into the air, "Yea right behind you." "I think that went well." Plunder says to his friend as they fly off. Windshear catches up to the Sweep and flies along side him. "Well, depends. I mean if you got what you wanted to learn then yea." Scourge takes off as well, transforming to Sweepcraft mode and sighing. Mission accomplished, but not without a little mayhem. "I learned that Bobby Joe loves Suzy Q, but Suzy Q likes Timmy, who is conflicted between Suzy Q and Patty Mint." Plunder states. "Fascinating social interaction...Perhaps the humans are one step above bacteria." Windshear runs that through his head a few times and then frowns, "What about PAtty Mint?" "Sick with something called Mono." Plunder states. "What the smeg is mono?" Windshear asks. "I do not know." Plunder says, "Hopefully fatal." "NO, Mono is NOT fatal," Scourge rumbles, "It's called the 'kissing disease'." "Ahhh, that explains why Jack John was also sick with Mono." Plunder states. "Scourge." Windshear says suddenly, "How would you know about this? And more importantly.. why?" "Because, of the primary rule of warfare. Know your enemy,"Scourge says. "Thats a bit too much knowing if you ask me..." Windshear says. Reports Roof Ripped Off School Thu Jul 18 Associated Press ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ A report comes in from California of a school whose Health Classroom had the roof ripped right off it. Witnesses reported seeing two Sweeps and a Seeker in the vicinity. Reporters are tracking down and interviewing the students, and while reports are mixed, the general consensus is the Sweeps were there to learn about 'the birds and the bees'. More information will be forthcoming as it becomes available. ---- Sunstreaker says, "That was not what I was expecting when I logged on today, but that was awesome"